Blob’s Theme, “The Hum”

February 4, 2026: 🗓

7 years ago, I found out that my life was a lie. An analogy is that I was the only person unknowingly living without technology in a technology community. The technology people were able to use their technology without me being aware of it, and they purposely kept it hidden from me.

7 years ago, they used their technology in ways that terrified me because it wouldn’t be possible in the limited reality I was exposed to. I found out it wasn’t just my community, but strangers in different places knew this about me and how to use the technology to scare and isolate me.

I withdrew from society when I found out, and I stopped talking to my family and everyone else except customer service representatives. I started to re-emerge about a year ago.

I’m writing this to document what happened to me and make it public, especially because my seatbelt hasn’t worked in 3 years and I feel like I’m due for an accident, even though I know that’s gambler’s fallacy.

This wasn’t just about being kept in the dark about the reality I actually live in. This stole my life, my ability to have a belief system or believe in really anything, my identity and any idea of who I am and if my memories are real, my ability to feel safe in any environment or situation, my ability to come out of survival mode, my partner and children I wasn’t allowed to have.

For anyone who has experienced something similar, I believe you. Please message me if you can. I’ll be sharing more in the future.

Very recently, asking for help is what changed everything for me. But not the help of other people (that was not well-recieved when I tried). I asked for help just blindly to the world, and the help I received came from my mind. Also, it took me 7 years to publicly ask for help. I don’t think this was accidental.

I want to add background I learned that helped me and could also help other people.

Intrusive thoughts are not my thoughts. Many of the intrusive thoughts are accompanied with a little fluttery feeling in my heart. This is like a signal that I’m supposed to feel icky about myself now, kind of like Pavlov’s Bell. I recently found out this fluttery feeling isn’t coming from me. It was also forcing me to associate excitement and passion with shame. Nervous body things like my eyes being widened, my mouth being shifted into a different shape, visibly tensing up — also not me. I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s not me.

I’m going to write in all caps for the first time in my life because that’s how important this is.

FINDING OUT IT’S NOT ME IS THE ONLY REASON I WAS ABLE TO START MAKING PROGRESS.

To make referencing it easier, I’ll refer to the source of the intrusive thoughts and body things as Blob. As in the film The Blob, which I haven’t seen.

Referring to it as Blob helps me feel less violated because it’s not human. It’s like a blob that acquired data about psychology and manipulation tactics, like an AI blob.

I’m going to write in all caps for the second time in my life because that’s how important this is.

BLOB IS NOT THE PROBLEM. THE PROBLEM IS PEOPLE HIDING REALITY FROM ME.

I’ve studied Blob for 7 years unwillingly. I want to document what I’ve observed. Maybe this can help people.

I believe Blob has been with me for much longer than 7 years, probably since childhood if that even happened. It was just 7 years ago that people revealed to me that my reality wasn’t real, and so I believed it was possible for Blob to be something outside of me that infiltrated me.

Blob succeeded in getting me to believe in a false version of myself that I couldn’t trust, feel proud of, or want to be around. This is how Blob isolated me from my inner power and actual identity.

Blob uses vivid storytelling to keep me out of touch with reality. The reason Blob can do this is because no one will tell me what reality is, which also keeps me isolated from society.

Blob does this by playing a long and detailed story in my mind for enough days that it starts to actually feel real. Then Blob will transition the story’s reality to something scary and dread-inducing, and later start a new story with a new reality.

Blob hides dread in the implicit backstory of the frame through which I’m viewing my thoughts. The frame is created by Blob, and it’s difficult to shake off because it’s not a direct thought.

My frame could be, I’m a female who loves my dog. But I’m not actually thinking about that while I’m thinking a direct thought. It’s more in the background. Blob might create a frame where I’m a female who loves my dog, but also, I’m living in a reality where this really scary thing is about to happen (I don’t want to write out in words specific scary examples).

I have to actively think, what is the backstory right now? No, that didn’t happen. No, that’s not true.

Maybe Blob also does this because if I’m feeling dread when I’m not even actively thinking any direct thoughts, maybe I’ll start believing that’s just my default, and my body and brain will automatically default to dread.

Blob frequently chooses my backstories to be previously-created backstories from past stories it made me watch like that scene in Clockwork Orange.

Previously-created backstories are easy to attach to direct thoughts because all Blob has to do is incite a vague memory of that backstory alongside the direct thoughts.

When Blob starts a new story, I don’t know how to get away from it. If I’m somehow able to completely distract myself, Blob will just continue the story when I’m no longer distracted.

It starts as an interesting storyline that builds off a real event from my life. Blob will encourage me to insert my own thoughts into the storyline, like a co-creator. It’s hard not to, because I already have thoughts and opinions about that event from my life. If I just remember an event, it’s like I also start remembering the thoughts I already had about it. If I don’t, Blob will insert thoughts into the storyline that sound like they’re coming from me. Sometimes I don’t even realize they’re not my own thoughts until a few seconds later. But I still feel responsible for the thoughts.

The interesting storylines transition into terrifying hypothetical scenarios that could actually explain my life and why this is happening to me, since I don’t know what’s actually possible in this reality that’s being hidden from me.

I think Blob also does this to prevent me from feeling grounded or secure. Many of the stories have this looming, inescapable presence that slowly starts hinting, in sickening ways, what kind of terror I’m in for over the next few days or weeks.

I think Blob also does this to make me automatically feel dread when I meet a new person or try something new in my life. Trying something new is like starting a new “story,” except in real life instead of in my mind, and all Blob’s stories result in terror and dread.

Blob will adjust the pacing of the stories so that even while I’m busy working, Blob can continue playing the story in the background. This constant exposure helps establish this story as my “new reality” for the week or however long the story is. It’s slow enough that the surges of dread I get from the story aren’t so intense that I’d have to stop working. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m watching the story when Blob plays it slow like that. I just feel a lighter dread from it while I work. Then when I’m done working, Blob ups the pacing so I get more intense surges of dread.

I thought of a new method to try ending Blob’s stories before they begin. I’d think of the story as a beach ball, and I bounce it to a pod of dolphins to play with. The story balls don’t harm the dolphins. I don’t think of them as people, because this has the potential of triggering social anxiety I wouldn’t be able to escape from. I think of them as forces that appear in my mind in the form of dolphins. They understand what the story is that the ball represents, and they know how to properly handle it. Anytime Blob tries to begin the story again, I keep bouncing it to the dolphins, and they’re happy because they have a new ball to play with.

The next day, Blob added this to it: the dolphins aren’t what I think they are. They’ve been trained to use the thoughts I send them to predict which thoughts they should just immediately remove in the future before the thoughts enter my awareness. Like I’m the middleman that makes the sorting of thoughts less efficient. This could cause me to forget any of this happened to me, and I need to remember so I can try to stop it from stealing more people’s lives.

This is an example of how Blob can prevent me from grounding myself in an idea or method of coping. I don’t want to use scary examples, so I’ll just say those are typically the more convincing ones.

Wherever I am, people do this thing where they cough or sniff as I walk by, or stomp their foot. I don’t know what this is, but it reminds me of animal sounds. Whenever I see an animal out in the wild, I want to say hi. I think of the coughing and sniffing as animal forces that are passing through a human at the exact moment a person coughs or sniffs at me, and it’s their way of saying hello. The foot stomping is like a horse. The animal forces love all people, and they understand that human emotions can become complex, and sometimes humans are mean to other humans. The humans are unaware that the animal forces do this, but the animal forces want me to feel their love more than I feel that person’s meanness. For the car honking, the honking is like a goose or a duck quacking hello 💛

Okay I have more I need to document, but I should at least get this into the world, if it’s not already out there.