It insists on its wildness having never known it.

June 8, 2026: 🗓 

While walking my dog yesterday, I asked myself why I’d choose to write about one idea and not a different idea. Because I’ve had ideas I didn’t write down.

⬆️This is probably an example of an intrusive thought. It’s not negative but not me. Probably also unnatural to say a non-negative thought is an intrusive thought. This may be why I use the term “thought recording” now. (I don’t remember the real reason).

I abbreviate it as TR later in this post.
Definition of TR: Comprehensive intrusive thoughts. The intrusive thoughts aren’t always negative, but they’re not yours. Sometimes they’re negative but sound just like you.

I believe the thought is probably an intrusive one because I don’t wonder that anymore. Sometimes an idea is important for no reason (that I’m aware of), so I speak it to my Notes app.

Anyway, what is this even about. I want to share this strange thing I noticed about fear. So I had lots of scary thoughts the last 7ish years. But now I don’t get scared anymore, and I don’t know why.

I still have mildly scary thoughts but without the fear. But I don’t think that’s a skill I developed from being scared every day for all the years. I think it’s just that my brain isn’t including fear in me right now.

I remember at least one time that my brain (or maybe some other thing, I don’t know) put fear in me and then removed it abruptly for no reason, maybe so that I’d know it’s capable of doing that. I’m not sure. It felt odd when the fear was removed so fast, like a person fading their smile too fast after they’re done laughing.

Okay before I forget, the main reason for writing this was to share this story. I don’t know why. I don’t think these posts are about me. I’m Whoopi.

Side note: I think I should mention that some of TR’s stories seem like home movies that were filmed in my mind at some earlier date. Not really sure what that’s about. Maybe a metaphor or comedy bit without the comedy part. In some of the stories, it seemed intentional that the audience is aware it’s a home movie. So this may well be one of them. Maybe TR is just a really long VHS home movie.

This story appears to be an incomplete metaphor about a topic it didn’t mention. Enjoy.

It begins with a general idea of angels visiting Earth. The story does not include a reason for this.

While speaking the story to my Notes app, the story updated, so I made a second version. I call them Mod 1 and Mod 2.

Mod 1:

Some of the humans (or human-looking characters) know when an angel will arrive. Or maybe they can just see them approaching. When an angel arrives, a man was already there waiting, and he hits them with something that knocks them down? The story didn't include why he did this.

I don't necessarily think it was physically painful. I imagine it'd be jarring to an angel that never experienced human life. Maybe they observed it, but they didn't understand what it's like to be in a body. (Unless angels have bodies?) When they arrive on Earth, they become a new human experiencing the vastness of a human spirit in this heavy border of a foreign body. That's when they're hit by the man in waiting.

I think one way the metaphor is limiting is that the hit felt like a heartbreak that this story can't explain. It really affected me. Like knowing the feeling of irrepressible hope before realizing your own piercing heartbreak by this shapeless cruelty you can't comprehend or define.

Mod 2:

There was never a man in waiting at the angel's arrival ground. The arrival ground is instead a living breathing human. It's not a new body but one that's lived it from the beginning.

(The story vaguely implies the angel would be in this body now, but I could be wrong. Not sure where the original human goes. Super unclear.)

What's jarring isn't that the angel is hit down by force. It's the unvaried heaviness of a human heart withheld from its nature but beating in regulation. It insists on its wildness having never known it.

Unknown athlete. “In the Zone” by Gil Bruvel. Bronze sculpture near the Big League Dreams fields in West Covina, California.