Climbing over all the stuff in the jungle

May 23, 2026: 🗓

I wonder what identity theft *actually* means.

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May 23, 2026: 🗓

Okay here’s another story. Maybe this will help somehow. I don’t know.

Added September 8, 2026: 🗓 

The link is to an Instagram video about the phenomenon of retrieval-induced forgetting, sometimes referred to as “the ugly sister effect”. Quoting from the video, “It’s named for the Cinderella fairy tale because the prince can’t see Cinderella — the right answer in this case — because the ugly sisters are blocking the door. […] This was shown in a 1994 study where they had people memorize lists of fruits, drinks, and other categories. And then they had people practice recalling some of the fruits over and over, like orange. Then later, when they tested them again, people were worse at remembering unpracticed fruits, like a banana, compared to items from categories that they hadn’t practiced at all. So as soon as they’d see a banana, their brain thought fruit, and the neuron for orange kept firing. This is also known as retrieval-induced forgetting. So what’s happened here is, by strengthening the “ugly sister,” you are chemically suppressing “Cinderella.”

Are the “ugly sisters” blocking Cinderella from the world, or are they blocking the world from r*ping Cinderella? Also, why are they “ugly”? Maybe someone told them since inner beauty is what’s important, as long as Cinderella is “ugly” on the outside, nobody will rape her. And so they did their best to make Cinderella “ugly”. This happened when they were children, so they didn’t understand what r*pe was actually about. Also, they still don’t know what r*pe is actually about.

Someone else “just happened” to be passing by and observed this and thought the sisters were being cruel? To teach the sisters a lesson (not as punishment, but to help them learn and develop into mature beings), they made the sisters as “ugly” as the sisters tried to make Cinderella. Sort of like the golden rule of treating others the way you want to be treated.

But the passersby forgot to actually help Cinderella. This does happen in real life. People get so preoccupied with trying to stop the perpetrators that they forget to help the victim. I’ve falling for this trap myself.

Also, finding out the truth about what happened will not destroy any of them.

Edit: I almost forgot to include the most important part. Please do not omit any parts of the truth from them. I know it is tempting to do that because some parts seem to clutter it, and you want to clean it up to make it more “readable”. But the clutter is extremely important for them to know. Again, I’ve fallen for this myself. You find out later what was really going on, and you’re like, oh I accidentally withheld really important information from them because I thought this was a different story.

Edit: 10:02am Pacific Time, she still doesn’t know.

Edit: 10:04am Pacific Time. Regarding the 10:02am edit, she received the emotion but not the actual information.

Edit: 10:08am Pacific Time. For some reason, I keep feeling compelled to write “no animals were harmed in the making of this film.” My first thought: “someone infiltrated my mind pretending to be a spirit guide or something, urging me to write that for reasons they can’t tell me because it’s a “spiritual” matter, and I just need to pass it on.” I used to be so worried about things like that. It’s still the first thought that I have, and I still don’t know if the thought is true or not. But there’s a really important difference: behind all the layers of thoughts, there’s someone or something or some presence we can trust.

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May 23, 2026: 🗓

Not long after becoming active on social media again, I thought of posting about an experience I had with the childhood game Bloody Mary. But I didn’t for some reason. And now today, I was like, oh maybe there’s a reason I should be posting about this, like people should know something about this story. So I started drafting and editing in my mind what to write down.

Then I was like, why didn’t I post about it months ago when it occurred to me? At first, I decided that my reason was because I didn’t want to scare people or cause people to think I’m trying to scare them. But then I was like, oh right, I don’t actually know the reason..

It’s so human to think we know the reasons why we do things. I want to clarify that.. it’s human to think we know the reason. That’s why we try to think of the reason; it’s because we believe if we think about it enough or understand ourselves enough, we’ll uncover what the reason is. Like, oh right, that’s why I did that.

Maybe that’s why the interpreter believes they need to fill all the gaps with a narrative, because it believes the conscious mind needs reasons. Like it accidentally trained the conscious mind to believe it knows and needs the reason, and then it forgot that it trained the conscious mind to believe those things; and now it’s been wondering why the conscious mind needs the reason, so it’s been conjuring up these stories to give the conscious mind because it doesn’t actually have a reason to give it.

Maybe that’s why the interpreter thinks it needs to be separated from the conscious mind, because if they weren’t separated, the conscious mind would find out the interpreter doesn’t have a reason.

Maybe the interpreter thinks the conscious mind would be mad or feel betrayed. This is not true at all. If the conscious mind knew how much the interpreter has gone through just to put all these narratives together for them because they think it’s important for the conscious mind’s wellbeing, everything would be okay. Both the conscious mind and the interpreter just want everyone to be happy and free and live fulfilling lives, including themselves.

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May 24, 2026: 🗓

When something about a situation doesn’t feel right, even if it’s only a little bit not right, there’s something not right.

You don’t have to settle for almost right.

You weren’t meant to settle for almost right.

When something’s not right, the reason is because someone doesn’t know something that they should know. It might not seem important. I really think it’s important, whatever it is, if you thought of it.

When someone doesn’t have the right information for them, they might create their own reasons while in a state of fear and confusion. You don’t know what lack of what information can cause specific people to enter into a state of fear and confusion. It might not make sense to you why that piece of information was even relevant.

Edit: 2:34am Pacific Time. I think it might be you. If you come across a person or have an idea that someone might know something, I think you should ask them. I don’t know who “you” is.

Edit: 2:56am Pacific Time. Maybe this is what causes someone to dislike someone for no reason. Maybe they just don’t “feel right” about a person because that person doesn’t know something they should know. And maybe you have the information. It could be something you believe they already know.

Edit: 3:18am Pacific Time. Maybe no one was ever meant to dislike anyone. Maybe everyone was meant to love everyone. But we started thinking we had reasons for not liking a person when we couldn’t make sense of why they seemed “off.” Maybe being given a reason that wasn’t right for me was why I didn’t connect with my own knowing of why the person seemed “off.” Maybe that’s why many other people are “withholding” information from other people. They don’t even realize they have it, because they’ve already been provided a reason for “disliking” that person. So they’ve never even thought to observe the person for themselves and make the connection.

Edit: 3:47am Pacific Time. Maybe this also includes animals. I think this includes animals.

Edit: 4:04am Pacific Time. Maybe the people we like for no reason are the ones we should share ideas with.

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May 23, 2026: 🗓

I think it’s important to talk about this other form of intrusive thoughts that I don’t hear about. One form is where you believe you can tell the difference between the intrusive thoughts and your own thoughts. The other form is where it feels like your thoughts replace you, even though you’re still there. A few days ago, my mind had me experience them both consecutively, and it used the same series of thoughts for both forms. It’s like my mind was trying to remind me how different they are.

It can withhold the memory of what you believe in that grounds you or gives you a sense of safety or even just a sense of self beyond the intrusive thoughts. It can also withhold a certain type of self-awareness, like being in an icky version of a “flow state.”

Sometimes it will subtly reveal itself to be still the thinker of the thoughts long after you’ve already assumed the intrusive thoughts ended and it’s been you thinking. Like it’s trying to show you how subtle it can be. And the degree of subtlety varies so broadly. If someone is only given non-subtle intrusive thoughts, they wouldn’t be having the same experience as someone that gets the extremely subtle versions. They have different problems caused by this.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if they’re doing this [“they” as a placeholder pronoun for wherever it is the intrusive thoughts come from] because they think that we enjoy it somehow, like detective work or being a lifelong learner of psychology sociology philosophy. But I’m not sure if humans are as interested in those things as they think they are. Like would they invest time in them if boredom didn’t exist?

I don’t even really think of myself as a person anymore. The way the brain is modeled and the human experience is modeled, I just don’t think that’s what it actually is.

Another part of it is it seems — I’m not sure if this is what it would do for everyone, but for me, a lot of thoughts and speech and nonverbal communication seem narcissistic. It’s actually done this I think my entire life, but I just didn’t realize it wasn’t me. It took me a long time to realize that, even after — — long after — — I realized the thoughts weren’t mine. The narcissistic tendencies of the thoughts stuck for a long time as part of my identity. It would also be physical things like adjusting my facial expression to feel smug (it’s so subtle that I’m not sure if my face actually visibly changes, it’s more how I feel my face looks) or flipping my hair with my hand in an exaggerated way, then being like, why did I do that? That’s not me.

I wonder if “it” makes the person seem narcissistic so that after the person realizes all of this has been happening to them, and they don’t really see themselves as a person anymore but more of a multiple consciousness of some kind, it just kind of sounds like a narcissistic thing to start believing about yourself. And then the topics you talk about are self-centered because they’re about your thoughts and behavior because you’re trying to figure out what’s happening, because you can’t just live as you were before. You have to find a new path somehow. Or when you can’t find one, you have to climb over all the stuff in the jungle, and you can’t keep up with life. You can’t do the things that a person can do in life while also experiencing this. I don’t know how this would work on someone that was already married with kids, for example. Maybe that’s why some people get married and have kids. Or one of many reasons.

But I also don’t want to view it as just something that people like me have to deal with. Because there’s parts of the experience that I just feel like I’m not using properly. Like this is a — — This can be a gift if it’s used the right way. But I don’t know how to use it the right way. And I wonder if there is a right way to use it, and people that aren’t experiencing it believe that the people experiencing it know what the right way to use it is and are just choosing not to. Maybe there’s some different way to use it that is self-serving, and since these people are narcissists allegedly, that’s why they’re not using it to help and contribute to society. But these are probably the people that genuinely wanted to help and contribute. If you’re aware of this, You have a responsibility to tell us..

It might seem like it’s too late or too much has happened now to come forward and say something. But please do. I think there’s a lot more going on that you’re not aware of because you haven’t come forward about this. And maybe you believe you were in the wrong by doing what you did. But you probably just misunderstood the reasons you did it, and they were actually very good reasons.

Edit: 3:32pm Pacific Time.

Even though my life has been significantly more challenging since I found out almost 8 years ago, the alternative of having to go through the motions the rest of my life as that identity is much worse. I was conditioned not only to believe that was really me, but also to seem totally okay with it (due to a certain type of self-awareness being withheld)

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May 24, 2026: 🗓

I saw once on a crime show a man being interviewed as a murder suspect. He had dissociative identity disorder (DID). So far, he only exhibited two personalities. The police thought he was lying, and a consultant suggested they tell him people with DID have at least three personalities. If he brings out a third one just because you told him this, then he doesn’t have the disorder. Shortly after being told, the man switched to a third personality that hadn’t yet made its existence known.

Why is it — what I’m more interested in is whether or not they assumed the other personalities didn’t pick up on why they were asked that question. It’s totally plausible that the personalities didn’t want anyone else to get murdered, so they played along with the trick to discredit the man.

I am being completely honest when I say I didn’t even realize, until after writing the last paragraph, that the answer is neither; they didn’t assume anything about the personalities because they didn’t even think they were real. Like I actually didn’t even realize that while writing it. I think because I was so focused on how unjust it is to use that question to discredit someone. Even if they did falsify a third, it doesn’t mean they don’t have DID. Maybe the third was delaying its entrance in anticipation of the police asking that question. That way, the third personality wouldn’t even have to lie about anything. Just its existence alone would be enough.